I Am Such a Jerk

Two weeks ago I had a moment of honest charity.  I won't go into the details but suffice it to say that I was pretty darn proud of myself.  And I used the opportunity to try to convince God that I was ready for more. 

"See, God?  Did you see my obedient and compassionate spirit?  Surely that is proof that I am all yours and you can trust me to care for the least of your children."

Now I can't be sure, but there is a high likelihood that God snorted back at me.
Because then Saturday happened. 

Allow me to set the stage.  It was my birthday celebration day.  So good moods and happy, shining faces were all around.  I had cards telling me how much I was loved and appreciated.  The sun was shining and it was just a tad chilly, so the weather was perfect.  We had eaten breakfast together as a family that morning and spent several hours discussing our role to stand up for and have compassion on the poor.

So, you see, there was really no excuse for my behavior.

My daughter had taken my car to vacuum and clean it for me and then she ran to the bookstore to find me a generous and well thought out birthday gift.  On the way home, at a stoplight, she was lightly bumped by the car behind her.  The gentleman followed my daughter to a nearby Target parking lot to inspect the damage, which was minimal.  A couple scratches.  Hardly noticeable.  He gave my daughter his name, tag number and phone number.  He was polite and respectful.  The condition of his car and his dress indicated that he could be poor.  My daughter, rightfully so, came home and expected our family to be compassionate.

I was a jerk.  Out of nowhere an intense fury rained down on my home and I began screaming.  At my daughter, at this bungling fool who hit her, at my deductible.  And I called the police.  An officer came out, ran this man's tag and information, which of course came back with no insurance and a traffic warrant out for his arrest.  The officer offered to go and arrest him and I responded with the words, "Go Get Him!" 

Bastard hit my new car, he deserves to be in jail.

That night I received the following text:

"Mam, I want to apologize for hitting your car this afternoon.  My wife passed away two months ago and I have been struggling trying to raise our 1 year old and 3 year old kids on my own.  Without my wife's income  my car insurance, along with a lot of other things, has lapsed but I promise if you get an estimate I will pay you cash, if I can have some time.  The officer came to my house.  If he puts me in jail there will be no one to care for my young boys.  Please, can you have mercy?"

Matthew 18.