$Church$

"This Church doesn't run without money.  Someone has to pay for the lights, the heat and the air-conditioning ya know." 

This came from our parish youth minister over the weekend.  My daughter looked at me and I looked back; we both shook our heads and put our hands over our faces.  Wow.  How can people be so misguided? 

Many years ago (many many many), when I lived in South America, my soon-to-be husband and I would, on Sunday mornings, take a bus out of the city of La Paz and ride for 45 minutes to church.  We passed a lot of big fancy Catholic churches on the way, mind you, but there was one Church that we loved.  We would get off at a crossroads and walk another mile or so on a dusty road.  We would pass children digging through the garbage for something to eat or sell.  We would pass the homeless who were not very particular of where they went to the bathroom.  The smells were gut-punching.  Everything was dirty and depressing.

And then we would turn the corner and walk across this small grassy field to a gray cinder-block building.  It was tiny...maybe 10 or 15 people could sit comfortably, and it was bare. Not much to look at but the Cross.  There was no air-conditioning.  There were no lights and absolutely no heat...we would sit and freeze most days because it didn't have any glass in the windows.  We would sing.  And praise God.  And afterwards everyone would sit outside on the ground and share whatever they brought with them for lunch.  And anyone was invited. 

It was Church.

The Day Dorothy Quit

When I began reading through Dorothy Day's diaries, I was anxious to read about the time when she left The Catholic Worker.  I wondered what the catalyst was for her leave of absence and I was anticipating a great inner struggle to her decision.  But it still came as a shock and completely unexpected. My heart paused for a brief moment and then turned cold as I read the diary entry documenting her thoughts and pain that she felt that were leading her to leave the CW. 

"I no longer feel I can save my soul by this work; no, more, I am in danger of losing it.  I am in danger of becoming like that woman in Bleak House who worked so hard for foreign missions and neglected her family...The world is too much with me in the Catholic Worker.  The world is suffering and dying.  I am not suffering and dying in the CW, I am writing and talking about it."

The criticism of the world was pressing in and she wanted to find a normal job somewhere quiet, maybe in a hospital, and lead an unassuming life of "prayer and penance". 

"The world will leave us alone, saying---after all, they are not doing anything. Just a bunch of smug fools praying.  We will not be as tormented by its scorn as we are by the praise of the world for works of mercy...Hence this new move.  Hence this running away, to seek a hidden life.  I have always been so sure I was right, that I was being led by God...and I looked for some unmistakable sign. I disregarded all the little signs.  I begin now to see them and with such clearness that I have to beg not be shown too much, for fear I cannot bear it."  DD. July 14, 1943

So many saints go through these times of darkness.  Mother T's struggle with depression as she could not feel God's presence in her life is well documented.  Dorothy was no exception. The life she chose was so sacrificial, how could she not have moments of shadow?  God is, always, merciful and showers His grace upon us.  Dorothy's year long leave of absence, which ended up only lasting 6 months, and her diary during this time have been lost.  But her commitment and her conviction never again swayed and she stayed a loyal servant of God every day until her death.  May our Lenten struggles heal our pain, remove our doubts and lead us closer to the Living God whom we serve.

Lenten Readings

So Lent is here.  I have high expectations for this Lent, as I usually do right before my intentions are nullified by my human nature.  But this Lent I am jazzed about reading "The Duty of Delight", the published personal diaries of Dorothy Day.  As always, she never fails to disappoint. 

I love how she writes with such ease and compassion about the drunken man who stole $5 from her,  "he must be tormented in soul as in body." (1935)  She talks about the mentally ill, the addicts, her anger at her own personal failings and shortcomings (she is ridiculously hard on herself).  She is impatient with the foul smells that seem to permeate whatever room she is in and speaks of it often.  She is a mother, worried about her daughter, Tamar. Dorothy craved time with her and was racked with guilt over every minute they were apart.  I love, absolutely love, every word she has written in this book. 

It is painfully honest as she writes about her depression and loneliness. The burdens she carried as her co-workers, The Church and her own family analyzed and criticized her every move. I can't begin to conceive how much she sacrificed for Christ; she gave it all to Him.

The life of this Saint.  Amazing.  May your Lent draw you closer to the Living Christ!

What's our excuse- Only the Worthy Poor

WANTED: Clean Cut, Well Educated, Mentally Healthy, Sober, Gainfully Employed, Poor Person who is in desperate need of my generosity and wisdom.  Ability to pass a Criminal Background Check is A MUST.

It's like someone runs a cheese grater across my brain, seriously. "God helps those who help themselves."

I get the theory.  You want your money to go to a worthy cause.  Responsible giving, right?

If I am a Christian, then I must realize that the orders on my life to be generous and serve are pretty simple.  Christ never advocated for responsible giving. He said give. Period. No exceptions for us and no requirements from them.

Give to everyone, give to your enemies, give to the criminals. Give your clothes, your food, your time and your compassion. Give, give, give, give, give. I am truly thankful Jesus made it so simple, because I would tie myself into knots trying to decide who is worthy of my dollar.

Why do we allow our attitudes to become so hateful and prejudicial towards the poor?  Why do we fight the pull of our soul?

We don't want to be scammed. We don't want to be embarrassed. Is it really more responsible to give to a non-profit organization whose CEO is making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year? When we fall into the trap of second guessing our donations all the time, we will never give.  It's too easy to talk ourselves out of it and then forget that the need is real.  The pain and tears and desperation are out there waiting for our response.  

Our excuses-How Embarrassing

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were having a date night out to go listen to some music. While driving, my  husband spontaneously decided to switch lanes at the last second so we could toss some cash to a beggar on the side of the road.  He risked our reasonable insurance premiums by cutting off a couple cars and stopped on a dime next to the very nice gentleman who was actually not begging, but just waiting for the light to change so he could cross the road. 

Whoops. 

Then there was that time when I tried to help the wheelchair-bound-man move a  shopping cart.  He thought I was stealing the cart and starting yelling at me...loudly...at Walmart...during Christmas shopping days.

I've was on the opposite side of this last year when a kind lady, filled with compassion watching my husband and I tussle over the price of shoes at the Salvation Army, handed me a 20.00 bill and walked away before I could recover from my mortification to return it to her.

My point is that we are scared of embarrassingly helping the wrong person.  Of being shut out and shut down.  There are, of course, worse things to being embarrassed over.

Offer help, accept help.  I constantly have to force myself out of the "bootstrap" theology we are taught in the United States.  God put us here with instructions to help.  People are suffering in mind, body and soul.  I want to always make myself available.

"If people wish to help, let them come and see--the reality is more attractive than the abstract idea."
Mother T.

If You Teach a Man to Fish, He Will Probably Starve

There was a Rich man who saw that his Poor neighbor was hungry. The Rich man felt sad and decided he wanted to help the poor man.  The next day Rich awoke from a peaceful nights sleep and after having a large, satisfying breakfast, he went and said to his Poor neighbor, "I will help you."

Rich retrieved his fishing pole from his locked shed and invited Poor to his private, well-stocked, fresh-water stream that ran behind his home.  He taught Poor to bait and cast.  Rich was successful and caught several large bass for dinner that night.  Rich smiled inwardly as knew that he had done a great thing for Poor.  Rich taught Poor to fish and now Poor would never be hungry again.  Rich took his bass, his bait, all the hooks and his pole home.  Rich had a filling dinner, threw away the leftovers and fell asleep, still smiling.

The next morning, Rich awoke again from a peaceful slumber filled with sweet dreams, and ate a delicious, nutritional meal.  He walked outside to find Poor dying from starvation. Rich was angry.  He had wasted his energy and time teaching Poor to fish and here Poor was, still burdening society with his hunger and poverty. Rich cast Poor aside, scoffing Poor's lazy attitude and lack of work ethic.  Rich wondered if Poor expected him to share the fish he had caught? Bitterness set into Rich's heart. "That will only make him more lazy and dependent upon my generosity," thought Rich. "Let his hunger motivate him to fish as I taught him to."  Rich left with his pole, his hooks and his bait and went to go catch his dinner.

It wasn't that Poor hadn't tried.  He cut a branch from a tree and found some leftover twine to try and make a pole.  There was no bait, so Poor took a bit of bread and attached it to the end of the string.  There was no hook, so Poor prayed for a miracle.  Poor had no land.  He walked several miles until he found a small standing of run-off water.  It was polluted and contained no living thing.  Poor didn't realize his attempts were futile.  His hope and self-esteem plummeted as he continued, in vain, to try and mimic what Rich had taught him.   After hours in the hot sun, Poor fell asleep, confused at his failure.  It was fitful, sleeping on the ground, and he tossed and turned.  His body ached and he woke up more tired than when he fell asleep.

Thoughts ran through his mind of survival. Could he steal a fish? Could he beg for a fish? Were his only choices crime or humilation? One would send him to prison and the other would make him a mockery of society. He thought of his children.  How they were hungry and counting on him.  He thought of Rich and all the fish he so easily caught with his shiney pole, sharp hooks and fresh bait.  Hopelessness set into Poor's heart.

Luke 16: 19 - 31

Credit Scores

 

I am nervous about putting these thoughts on paper, but having considered them for a long time, I am ready to go out on a limb.  Deep breath. Crack my knuckles. Here we go...

THE FICO CREDIT SCORE SYSTEM IS UNFAIR AND BIASED AGAINST THE POOR AND MINORITIES

http://www.washingtonabc.org/conference-2011/racial-wealth-gap.pdf.

I understand that it may have started as a system to help banks decided who could pay this or that house/car payment.  It may have seemed like a good idea.

The FICO system is now used to decide whether people can get car insurance, an a apartment, an education or a job and that, in my humble opinion, is unfair and prejudicial and I'll even say un-Christian

The FICO system is so relative to circumstances beyond our control.  It is not just about whether a bill is payed or not. It is a mysterious system that few people understand; invented and controlled by...hmmm, no idea.  Is it not easily corrected and our wrongs are recorded, not just for 7 years, but for an infinite amount of time.  The information is easily manipulated and often wrong. It  gives no consideration for difficult times or catastrophic health problems.  Business are now making millions of dollars a year to "protect your identity" because the system is so failed.

It is another system in place to suggest that the world is so fair that we can judge everyone by this  three digit number and get an accurate idea of who they are as a person.  It assumes that everyone, before credit mistakes are made, has received the same financial education and has the same resources available to them for survival.  The FICO system is a financial felony for a lot of people in this country.  It handcuffs them to crime ridden areas of town and to a welfare system they would like nothing more than to get out of.  It forces the poor to pay loan shark payments to gain legally-required car insurance or to rent-to-own a sofa for 4 times the price it is worth. And they don't have the money to begin with!

It leaves them powerless against society.  If years of mistakes are made and then they get sober, get therapy and get motivated, they will still find most of their options for a success are closed because of their financial history.   The fallacy that if only you work hard you will achieve the American Dream is such a cold-hearted lie. The dirty little secret is that if you are born poor, you will probably stay poor.  And if you are born rich, no one cares about your credit score anyway. 

There will be some random exceptions to this rule (HA! Positive Deviance) which society will point to as justification that your limitations are your own fault cuz "that guy did it."  And then radio announcers will throw insults, calling you "the great unwashed",  condemning you for using food stamps.  They will sit back, confident that their own success is because of  hard work and brilliance, take their ball and go home, giving you not even a passing thought.