I sat on my couch with a watered down bowl of Campbell's Tomato Soup and a grilled cheese sandwich. It was an incredibly surreal day after having experienced 20 years of big traditional family Thanksgivings. The food wasn't bad and I had a roof over my head but what I remember most about that day was looking down at my plate and thinking, "This cannot really be happening." I was alone. Utterly, completely alone. Not just alone though. I had been forgotten. No one called, no one invited me over.
My dad had died the year before and with that death came the loss of my entire family, and a lot of friends as well. Hundred's of people showed up to my dad's funeral but not one of them thought of me a year later. I was the sheep that no one came to look for. I was the burden that no one wanted to carry. I was essential to no one and dispensable to everyone.
Soon afterwards I lost my apartment and became homeless. I began bunking on friend's couches; struggling to get through school. People were confused about my situation They wanted to care but didn't really want to get involved. I think they missed me as a friend but were overwhelmed with the chaotic mess my life had turned into so they stayed away. Things slowly and eventually improved but remembering that one moment in my life, sitting and staring at a bowl of red soup always makes my chest tighten.
Loneliness is a hard thing to forget especially around the Holiday's.
It is not enough to be grateful. It is not enough to say the words that we are thankful for this or that blessing. Gratitude, just like love and forgiveness, are not nouns. They are verbs that require action. They require a response, proof that we are indeed so very thankful for the blessings in our lives.
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