Making Bad Decisions

One of my favorite Catholic Worker stories is the tale of the diamond ring.

"Tom Cornell tells the story of a donor coming into the New York house one morning and giving Dorothy a diamond ring. Dorothy thanked her for the donation and put it in her pocket without batting an eye. Later a certain demented lady came in, one of the more irritating regulars at the CW house, one of those people who make you wonder if you were cut out for life in a house of hospitality. I can't recall her ever saying "thank you" or looking like she was on the edge of saying it. She had a voice that could strip paint off the wall. Dorothy took the diamond ring out of her pocket and gave it to this lady. Someone on the staff said to Dorothy, "Wouldn't it have been better if we took the ring to the diamond exchange, sold it, and paid that woman's rent for a year?". Dorothy replied that the woman had her dignity and could do what she liked with the ring. She could sell it for rent money or take a trip to the Bahamas. Or she could enjoy wearing a diamond ring on her hand like the woman who gave it away. "Do you suppose," Dorothy asked, "that God created diamonds only for the rich?"

What a waste of resources.  Giving this poor women a diamond ring when the money could have gone for a more practical purpose.  That is the way we think, isn't it?  We are very earthly, considering each financial decision with a magnifying glass of economic scrutiny.  Wondering if our interest rates are passing the Dave Ramsey seal of approval.  Maybe we are hoping that God, when our judgment comes, will be so impressed with our credit rating that not only will we get into Heaven, we will win a free t-shirt too.

Catholic Worker is does not have a history of making safe, practical decisions.  Dorothy used her rent and electric bill money to print the first issue of The Catholic Worker.  She was late with both bills, so I sure hope God didn't pull her credit report to see if she was overdue.  CW is not practical.  Christianity is not practical.  I refuse to be practical. 

I will not enter Heaven as God's unprofitable servant.  I will not take the faith and joy and money He has given me and bury it in some bank account somewhere out of fear that it will be misused.  I will not be scared to live on the fringe of society.   I will not wait for permission to do the right thing. 

In 1939 heading into 1940, Dorothy wrote her new resolutions:

"To pay no attention to health of the body but only that of my soul. To plan each day upon arising.  And in the evening examination of conscience.  To waste no time.  More charity."

I adopt these resolutions as my own.

Damn Shame

Many years ago, when I was in training for my first official social work position, our trainer introduced us to the most hopeless of social work concepts.  She looked at us with a somber expression and said, "Young social workers, it is time I introduced you to the saddest part of your job.  The most tragic families you will ever meet are the "Damn-Shames."

"You will meet this family over and over.  Mom's drinking and ends up losing her kids? 
That is a damn shame.

Dad got deported? Left behind a wife and three kids who are now losing their home? 
That is a damn shame.

10 year old neglected by his family?  Smelly, bullied, hungry, failing?
That is a damn shame.

They are all just a damn-shame.  But there is nothing you can do about any of them.  No one expects you young social workers to solve every problem and heal every hurt.  Do what you can and then go home at the end of the day and enjoy your family. Put it out of your head and move on with your job."

Jesus had things to say about the damn shame cases too. 

"For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost. 12"What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying? 13"If it turns out that he finds it, truly I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine which have not gone astray.…

If God brings a lost soul into my life, it is not a damn shame.  But may my shame be forgiven  if I ignore God's command on my life.

From Bolivia

We have to travel into town a bit to find an Internet cafe, but I am here today, typing on a computer circa 1990.  I try to be as honest as I can when I write, maybe to a fault, so I will tell you that our trip has been fairly miserable thus far.

We had $600.00US stolen from us going through customs which put a major damper on our touristy plans.  Then two days later my two middle children fell seriously ill and were hospitalized for two days.  When the staff found out we were from the US, the quality of care plummeted and the cost skyrocketed, which is nothing compared to the black fear we felt for the lives of our children. We thank God and for all the intercessions that they are healthy again. 

My plans of retreat and time in prayer seem almost comical at this point, as I can´t seem to find energy to even reach for a bible.  I am filled with a cranky, bratty, self imposed pity party that I can´t seem to shake off.

I have lots to share about the comparative poverty and the attitudes of our culture towards economy and the poor versus those from this under developed nation; might not be what you would have imagined.  But for today, I want thank all of you for your prayers for my children and our family and to ask that they continue.

All Things in Christ,

Susan

Just Shut Up

Many years ago when my children were younger we ran through Arby's drive through for dinner.  The line was long after I had a longer day.  Service was slow and I was cranky.  By the time we got to the window I was in no mood to talk to anyone while the cashier was chatting away.  When I didn't respond with friendly banter, she turned slightly and said "Stupid Bitch."  I heard it.  My kids heard it.  Shit was about to hit the fan.   I parked my car and marched into the store and proceeded to get her fired.  Fired and humiliated as her boss made an example out of her to her co-workers and patrons.

The next day I saw her walking along the road, pregnant and alone.

I heard today that a person I know committed suicide.  We were not close but I saw her maybe once a month and we spoke.  I have never been nice to this person.  We have known each other for 3 years and for the past 3 years, once a month, I have used her as an opportunity to make people around me laugh at her expense.  I have never been supportive; always critical and harsh.  The word I most often used to describe her was "stupid". 

I wish I could tell you why.  I wish I could explain why I have been so horrible to someone who, created by God Himself, had never ever said a mean word to me; has never been anything but kind and sweet and patient with me. 

I had a part, however small, in the darkness that led her to take her life.  I added to her pain and her hopelessness.  I created a wound that can never be healed. 

I don't have any great theological point to make today.  I am the greatest of sinners.  My heart is breaking and shame is crashing over me in waves.   I am remembering all the times my words have hurt and I am wondering how much damage I have caused.   This is poverty.  It has almost nothing to do with how much money you have in your pocket and almost everything to do with the pain you carry in your heart.   This is the poverty that will always be with us.  Our answer is to sit and love those who feel unlovable.  To help carry the burdens that others cannot put down.  May God have mercy on my soul.



Make us worthy Lord to serve our fellow men throughout the world,

who live and die in poverty and hunger.

Give them through our hands, this day, their daily bread

and by our understanding love give peace and joy.

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace.

That where there is hatred I may bring love,

That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness,

That where there is discord, I may bring harmony,

That where there is error I may bring truth,

That where there is doubt I may bring faith,

That where there is despair I may bring hope,

That where there are shadows I may bring light,

That where there is sadness I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted,

To understand than to be understood,

To love than to be loved.

For it is by forgetting self that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven,

it is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

Amen.

The Pepsi Machine

There is a Pepsi machine that is located at our apartment pool.  It is the source of a great deal of frustration and, I imagine, bruised toes.

This machine has been broken for two years. 

We sit at the pool and watch as person after person, men, women and children try to beat the odds.  It will take your change but won't give you anything to drink.  It won't take dollars.  In fact, far as we can tell, they don't even refill this machine anymore.  Anytime you press a button it reads "out".  But it still looks pretty. It's still plugged in and refrigerating empty space.

There is no sign warning you, everyone just knows its broken.  Everyone even warns everyone else as they approach the machine, just in case they don't know. "It's broken!" is called out many times each day.  Every so often, even though we know it is broken and it's going to take our money, someone tries again...ya know, just in case it has been fixed. 

Nope, it is never fixed.  It is always broken.  It will not give you a can of soda. Ever.  Never, ever, ever.  But maybe..? NO! Don't we understand? It is broken.  It cannot physically do what it was created to do. 

I was in a professional training yesterday that was teaching the power of positive thinking and how it can make our ability to be successful so much greater.  I spent most of the training sitting, feeling pretty negative, actually.  Because it would be nice if that were so, but it's not true. Positive energy is a bourgeois luxury because when you have the resources to create success, success perpetuates success which creates its own positive energy.  Positive thinking has to be based on something historical that reminds you in your past, at some point, you have been successful and you can be again.

The oppressed and poor in our community.  Honestly, if they only exuded more positive energy...right?  Our system is broken. Our economy, our educational systems, our family systems, sometimes even our churches...they are broken.  They are not providing society what they were created to provide.  They create hurdles and road blocks to even the tiniest attempts of improvement.  We continue to hope, to place our trust and faith in these systems, because we hear rumors that somewhere, someone found a Pepsi Machine that actually did give them a soda.  But for way too many, these systems, these machines that are meant to provide the essentials to us, are just broken.

When we warn someone that the system is broken, it is not because we are expressing negative energy.  It doesn't matter how positive I am that the machine will give me a soda...it never will.  Children hope that education will lead to success.  Adults hope that they can overcome labels of "felony" or "default" or "credit risk" and have financial security.  Immigrants hope if they go through the legal steps and learn the language that they will be accepted as equal members of our community.  Broke, broke, broke.

My positive energy comes from this fact:  God loves us.  My faith is no longer in failing systems but in God who never fails. 

Chesterton, Lewis, and Modernity: The Infallible Sign of the Presence of God

By Charles D. Beard

If they find a Christian mistaken in a field which they themselves know well and hear him maintaining his foolish opinions about our books, how are they going to believe those books in matters concerning the resurrection of the dead, the hope of eternal life, and the kingdom of heaven, when they think their pages are full of falsehoods on facts which they themselves have learnt from experience and the light of reason? —Augustine, on why we should avoid literal interpretations of the Bible

One time before his conversion, Augustine tied himself in knots because he had to deliver a speech honoring the Emperor. In true political form, he said of it: “I was to deliver many a lie, and the lying was to be applauded by those who knew I was lying.”

Before he was to deliver the speech, he saw a drunk beggar wandering the streets of Milan, happy that he’d made enough to get a full belly and a drink. And Augustine hated himself because he knew that the beggar was happier than he was.

Many years later, as a bishop, Augustine reflected on this experience: “He had not, indeed, gained true joy, but, at the same time, with all my ambitions, I was seeking one still more untrue.”

In other words, Augustine says that the drunk was closer to God than he himself was — because at least in that moment, the drunk was happy.

So let’s talk about how Christians hate joy.

Pray and Fast During the Fortnight for Freedom — Even Though the Bishops Are Wrong

By Charles D. Beard

It’s that time of year. The Feast of Sts. Thomas More and John Fisher is upon us, and the Bishops are once again asking us to pray and fast during the so-called Fortnight for Freedom — from June 21 to July 4.

Once again, my liberal Catholic reaction ranges somewhere between an eyeroll and a heavy sigh.

And once again, I’d like to call upon my fellow liberal Catholics to ignore that gut reaction and participate in the Fortnight anyway. In this post, I hope to explain why it’s important that we do so.

Before I get into why we should participate in the Fortnight, I want to explain — in a way I didn’t in my post last year — why I think the Bishops are going about this in the wrong way. Hopefully in doing so, I will both give voice to liberal concerns from a Catholic perspective and reassure traditionalists that it’s possible to disagree with the Bishops on this without leaving the bounds of orthodoxy.

Those of us who are liberal-but-orthodox haven’t really had a platform in which to express our concerns. I reject the borderline anti-intellectualism of post-1990s liberal Catholicism, but that doesn’t make the reasoning behind the Fortnight for Freedom any better. Here are a couple of reasons why:

Opposition to the mandate relies on specious moral reasoning. The HHS contraception mandate rests on the assumption that Catholic employers and hospitals are directly participating in evil, and direct participation in evil in never permissible. I agree that direct participation in evil is wrong, but the Bishops have not done a good job of delineating what does and does not qualify as “direct.”

For example, the Bishops have in the past lobbied to preserve the Hyde Amendment, which limits federal funding for abortion. But it does something else as well: it maintains federal funding for abortion. When I pay my Medicaid taxes, my money goes into a Great Big Pile of Money, some of which pays for abortion. The Bishops consider this only indirect participation with evil, partly because I don’t intend the evil and partly because most of what Medicaid does is good.

I fail to see how that structure is different from the contraception mandate. The idea goes that an employer pays for an insurance policy, which means his or her money goes into a Great Big Pile, some of which is used to pay for contraceptives. If the employer doesn’t intend the evil (and given the protests, who could say that the evil is intended?) and most of what the insurance policy pays for is good, why is participating in that system different from participating in the Hyde Amendment?

It seems that either both systems are permissible or both are prohibited. If both are prohibited, should I not refuse to pay my Medicaid taxes? (If so, I’ll ask my employer to stop my withholding tomorrow!) If both are permissible, why all this hullaballoo about the Fortnight for Freedom?

It’s possible I’m wrong in my reasoning. But the Bishops are asking us to take spiritual and political action because of this mandate. At minimum, before the Bishops ask us to do that, they owe us theological resources explaining why the HHS mandate and the Hyde Amendment are morally distinct. They have not done so.

Opposition to the mandate makes too much of the concept of “intrinsic evil.” Most of the argumentation surrounding the mandate has relied on the term intrinsic evil, which means something that is never good and is always evil. Murder, for example, is an intrinsic evil. So is, we are told, the use of contraceptives — at least when they are used as contraceptives and not for another medical purpose. So far, so good.

But because the evil is “intrinsic” does not mean that it is automatically worse than other evils. For example, theft of property is an intrinsic evil while war is not. But surely an unjust war is a worse evil than skipping out on the check at a restaurant. The strong opponents of the mandate argue that because contraception is an intrinsic evil, we must spend more time and resources praying and working to end the mandate than, say, working and praying to improve the lives of the poor.

The counterargument is that it’s not necessary for Catholics to agree that this or that program is the best way to help the poor. I agree. But the twin evils of defrauding the laborer of his wages and oppressing widows and orphans are both sins that cry to Heaven for vengeance. If I see a structure that I believe does those things, I believe I have a moral obligation to oppose it. Moreover, I believe that those are worse evils than contraception and thus are more deserving of my resources to stop them.

In other words, I don’t disagree with the goals of the Fortnight for Freedom. But to have this evil picked out of all the evils in our society for a special time of prayer and fasting is extremely disappointing. There are worse evils that the Bishops should be asking us to fast for.

But — thank God! — I am not a Bishop, and they didn’t ask my opinion.

I think what the Bishops are doing doesn’t help and may harm the spread of the Gospel in America. I think their actions are playing into the hands of those — not a few — who confuse Catholicism with conservative politics.

But they are the Bishops and we are not. Unless they’re commanding us to sin, we should probably obey them. Asking us to pray and fast is no sin. Far from it.

We liberal Catholics like to remind our more traditional brothers and sisters that Catholic means universal. Part of that means finding God in all things — as St. Ignatius said — even in people we disagree with.

Yes, conservatives need to do a better job of finding God in Catholics who disagree with them, but so do liberals. We need to remember that Bishops and traditionally minded Catholics are not the enemy. We are all on the same side.

I wrote last year: “Maintaining the unity of the ark of salvation that subsists in the Catholic Church is of paramount, almost overwhelming, importance.” Before we criticize the Bishops for divisiveness — even if we have good reasons for doing so — we need to look to our own lives to make sure that we’re not fomenting divisiveness at our end. Participating in the Fortnight is one way to avoid that pitfall.

When we participate in the Fortnight, we need to do a number of things. One of the primary ones is to do what the Bishops ask: pray for religious freedom in this country. If you’re like me, you may not think it’s all that much under attack. But the Second Vatican Council teaches that we should “submit our mind and will to the Church,” even if the Church isn’t speaking infallibly. Conservatives and traditionalists seem to have a tendency to interpret that to mean that we should agree with the Church even against our better judgment. I think that’s a simplistic interpretation.

Instead, I think it means we should give the Church the benefit of the doubt. I really don’t see how this mandate is “an unprecedented attack on religious liberty,” as the USCCB keeps telling us. But in submitting my mind and will to the Church I should acknowledge that I might be wrong. I want to emphasize: I don’t think I am and I don’t mind telling that to any Bishop who asks me. If I am wrong, though, I don’t want to be someone who didn’t pray that God’s will be done.

So we should pray with the Bishops during the Fortnight, but we must do a number of other things as well, things that we as liberal Catholics can offer to the Church. Here are a few:

Pray for religious liberty where it really is threatened. Back in April, two Orthodox bishops were kidnapped in Syria and they have not been returned. We don’t know much past that, but it’s only the most sensational reminder that there are places where it is dangerous to be a Christian. We must do what we can to assist them, even if that just means praying and fasting for a couple of weeks.

Pray for the Bishops. They have a tough job. They have to deal with people like me who carp that they’re going too far, as well as people like Michael Voris, who carp that they don’t go nearly far enough. Even if we don’t agree with them or support them on this, they deserve our prayers.

Hug a traditionalist. Matt Malone, the new editor-in-chief at America, wrote last month that Catholics must fight the tendency to break down into conservative and liberal tribes. Specifically, he said: “America understands the church as the body of Christ, not as the body politic. Liberal, conservative, moderate are words that describe factions in a polis, not members of a communion.” During the Fortnight for Freedom, when partisan bickering is likely to be high in the Church, go up to a conservative Catholic and tell her that you appreciate her contribution to the body of Christ. (Just don’t hug her during the sign of peace at Mass. Conservatives don’t like that!)

Tell our secular friends what we’re doing. Yes, the Lord did warn against telling people when we pray and fast, but I think He would understand if we bend that rule here. (After all, we’re liberal Catholics; we love bending rules!)

If conservatives have a tendency to think their Catholicism supports their politics, then we liberals tend to compartmentalize our spiritual life away from our secular life. That’s not a healthy impulse. The Fortnight for Freedom provides an opportunity to remind secular liberals (and ourselves!) that we are not Christians despite our liberalism: we are liberals because of our Christianity.

This is my challenge to liberal Catholics, both those more and less liberal than I am. That goes for orthodox Catholics who happen to like the welfare state, birth-control-using Catholics, pro-choice Catholics, Spirit of Vatican II Catholics, gay-rights-supporting Catholics, and even Catholics who miss singing Marty Haugen songs at Mass. During the Fortnight for Freedom, bite the bullet and participate. Remind yourself that the Church is bigger than your own view of it — and so is the action of God in the world. You may experience God in a new way.

In doing this, remember that the goal of any regimen of prayer and fasting isn’t to achieve a political end — whether ours or the Bishops’. The goal is to realize by grace the self-revelation of God in Jesus Christ. Any liberalism not rooted in that self-revelation isn’t a liberalism worth having.